Thank you all so much for the continued support while I was so unwell there. I've finally been able to sit through and read all the replies.
CagedBird thank you. I will try and think any how my therapist and I would work through the feelings. Your post has a lot of useful things in it so I thank you a lot for taking the time to write them to me. I think what I was trying to communicate was how desperately much I hate myself and my body. And how hopeless I feel.
Sarah you're right even though I changed my mind it was an attempt at my life (I guess) and once the ambulance was on it's way I tried to strangle myself over and over. I didn't tell them that but I'll tell my doctor. I didn't ask for more support but I will try and arrange some.
Unfortunately my GP (very good with mental health) goes on leave in May so I hope I can find a doctor who won't charge me or else I won't be able to go. I see my doctor on the weeks in between my psychologist and psychiatrist as I'm trying to put one professional each week and then one week off of required.
I did do the CBT sheets today on two thoughts, that "I'll never lose weight and be healthy" and "I deserve to die because of my weight". As part of these sheets I write new thoughts at the end that are more helpful and then how these new helpful thoughts would make me feel and act. I feel a bit more inclined to do exercise today so hopefully later on I do. I think it's been helpful to do the cbt.
Thank you all xxxxx
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