Wanting to end your life is a hard thing to understand, and our reactions to it is also hard to understand. Like one time I wanted to sleep for an entire day because I knew it was going to be hard, so I took 15 melatonin, which I knew wasn't going to work but I thought having an amazing amount of it in my system would make me forget for awhile. And now I think about how stupid it was because of being too afraid to take anything stronger. Feelings and reactions are just hard to understand and for awhile you won't know...but there will be a day when you're in recovery or even just a day of sheer happiness and a lot of it will make sense. Be patient and Be well.
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