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MrsCoulter · 05-04-2014, 06:44 PM

Thank you for replying :)

I've been in and out with my doctors for the last ten years but since I moved 4 years ago my local CMHT told me I didn't fit their criteria for treatment and they suggested either going in for counselling (which I've tried in the past) or paying for therapy. Either way I would have to pay and because of BPD and outrageous spending, I have wracked up 10,000£ in debt on cards so all my wages goes on bills.

I have been thinking about volunteering somewhere to see if I can meet new people but half the time I just hate everyone.

I think it was triggered by my colleague and friend (one of the few) because she has decided to move onto another job. Now instead of reacting the usual way to this perceived abandonment (i.e. self harming, spending etc) I have turned my anger outwards, which is just as harmful. I have been horrible to her this week because all my resentment is coming out in one concentrated stream. When she was off the other day on annual leave I cleaned up our office and found stuff that she had been storing unnecessary and this sparked even more anger because I felt like she hasn't been doing her job correctly.

As ever with BPD the moods are rapid shifting and so I do not feel so bad today - however this is because I have not been to work and although I find myself getting aggravated with my parents, who I was with, it was not a bad day.

I think anger is what takes up most of my emotional range these days and there are just some times where something will cut the surface and all this anger will come hurtling out.

Sorry, didn't mean to give an essay lol, just nice to vent about this stuff on here as not many people in my 'life' who really get it.

05-04-2014, 06:44 PM	#3
MrsCoulter {Fighting a War} Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Milton Keynes I am currently:	Thank you for replying :) I've been in and out with my doctors for the last ten years but since I moved 4 years ago my local CMHT told me I didn't fit their criteria for treatment and they suggested either going in for counselling (which I've tried in the past) or paying for therapy. Either way I would have to pay and because of BPD and outrageous spending, I have wracked up 10,000£ in debt on cards so all my wages goes on bills. I have been thinking about volunteering somewhere to see if I can meet new people but half the time I just hate everyone. I think it was triggered by my colleague and friend (one of the few) because she has decided to move onto another job. Now instead of reacting the usual way to this perceived abandonment (i.e. self harming, spending etc) I have turned my anger outwards, which is just as harmful. I have been horrible to her this week because all my resentment is coming out in one concentrated stream. When she was off the other day on annual leave I cleaned up our office and found stuff that she had been storing unnecessary and this sparked even more anger because I felt like she hasn't been doing her job correctly. As ever with BPD the moods are rapid shifting and so I do not feel so bad today - however this is because I have not been to work and although I find myself getting aggravated with my parents, who I was with, it was not a bad day. I think anger is what takes up most of my emotional range these days and there are just some times where something will cut the surface and all this anger will come hurtling out. Sorry, didn't mean to give an essay lol, just nice to vent about this stuff on here as not many people in my 'life' who really get it.
	"John, being brave is going where no man has gone before and with Lizzy Stark, that is NOT what you'll be doing!" - Aunt Polly. “I told him I was going to betray you, and betray Lyra, and he believed me because I was corrupt and full of wickedness; he looked so deep I felt sure he'd see the truth. But I lied too well. I was lying with every nerve and fiber and everything I'd ever done...I wanted him to find no good in me, and he didn't. There is none.”