To me it does sound like you are proud of how much weight you've lost, but, on the other hand you've been brave enough to admit it on here.
I agree that there seems to be two conflicting parts of you. The part that wants to stay ill and lose more weight and the part that wants help but isn't sure how to ask for it. I would suggest you keep talking on here and try to make the more rational side of you come out with the support of other people.
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