[Cryptic.]

Hey again lovely,

You aren't alone in the fact that you deny having BPD because of the stigma,
I completely understand that,
and hopefully the stigma surrounding BPD will reduce as more research is done on BPD,
and awareness for those who do not suffer from it,
also awareness for people who DO suffer from BPD,
because it can be very useful/helpful to understand exactly what BPD is,
that way you can understand yourself better.

"I get it into my head that if I don't overdose, something bad will happen to other people and that I am evil, therefore I need to. "

This is very much a part of what many with BPD struggle with, too.

It can also be a sign of OCD,
if you harm yourself to,
in your mind,
prevent something bad happening to others.

The obsession is
- fearing something bad will happen to others.

The compulsion is
- harming yourself to prevent this from happening.

I can't diagnose you with anything, just suggesting it may be something to look into with professionals.


People with BPD struggle with feeling they are evil, too.
Therefore feel harming themselves is kind of a punishment for feeling you are evil/bad person/etc.

Again, it is very common to struggle with this, so you are not alone at all lovely.

I am sorry you feel so badly about yourself.
But know that you are not alone, and people are here for you, including myself.

"It's like something in my head screams at me to do it - sounds weird but it's like another person, she has a name, though she is not another person, she is me. But it's like being shouted at constantly, though it isn't voices."

To me, I understand this 100%,
because I struggle with this as well,
as do many others who suffer from BPD,
so this is not something you are alone with, either lovely.

I struggle with voices in my head, too,
it feels like someone is screaming, screeching,
and it can be extremely distressing when it is really bad.

A lot of people with BPD say the exact same thing you have just said above.

It can be incredibly difficult to cope with this,
so it is always good to have distractions or certain people who can support you at that time, things that help you cope with this better in place so when it is really bad,
you are prepared with things that can help you.

I know for me it can cause me to go into kind of an "episode",
so just know I understand,
and I am here if you want to talk about this, too,
or anything really!



When you say about minutes passing, and already have done something, without thinking,
that is most likely the impulsive side of BPD.
You don't think, you just act.

And dissociating is very common with BPD, it is also a symptom, too.

I feel the same way about the phrase "take responsibility"
- it is easier said than done.

Plus, when you are trying your absolute hardest,
even then,
you can still struggle massively,
and engage in self destructive behaviors,
or dissociate
[this is majority of the time done on a subconscious level,
so you don't even realize it is happening sometimes],
or become impulsive,
or become extremely emotional,
have "episodes",
etc
- sometimes it is out of our control.

However, that is why certain therapies and medications can really help with trying to control things and ourselves better,
and cope better with our symptoms/struggles,
and helping you to function better.


I completely understand the need to suppress emotions when you were a child due to what was happening for you then.

Of course, you will suppress emotions to avoid being hurt, it can become a subconscious thing, when you just do it automatically because you've become so used to it.

But, the down side to this,
is that because you continue to suppress emotions,
they will all explode all at once.

Even if it was something small that triggers it,
absolutely every and any emotion will arise and it can be extreme and intense and uncontrollable and very distressing.


That's why certain therapies can help you learn vital skills in coping with these things.

That's mainly what a lot of therapies are about in treating BPD.

Teaching us skills and learning these crucial and important skills to help us cope with our symptoms or the struggles we are experiencing and apply these skills to our life.


Medication can be very useful and helpful too,
majority of people I know who suffer with BPD are on one or more medications
and they say that they have helped them massively,
medication has been proven to help with symptoms with BPD
[again, more research is needed on medication and BPD, but it has been proven in many studies to help BPD symptoms] ,
but treatment recommends that it is crucial to have certain therapies alongside medication, too.


Black and white thinking is also another symptom and one of the most common difficulties people with BPD struggle with.

Also, social situations can be difficult for us, too,
so you aren't alone with all of these difficulties lovely.


No need to thank me either for replying to you :)

I'm happy to reply to you,
support you if you need support,
or someone to listen,
someone who understands, etc.
<3