Thanks - these comments are all really useful. I think I've been in denial regarding BPD for a long time and have experienced discrimination (last September I went to hospital for an OD, the nurse rang Crisis Team who said I had BPD, despite me never having been diagnosed by a psychiatrist, or even seeing one - I am currently having the complaint dealt with). Having BPD seems a scary prospect because, for me, it makes me feel as though I shouldn't be feeling certain things? Today, for example, I felt very angry and I couldn't work out whether that was a valid feeling, given the situation, or whether it was completely irrational. In the end, I cut, and that helped, and maybe part of the problem is that I am over-analysing everything, I don't know!
I hate emotions of any kind and will go to great lengths to avoid them. I surpressed them for years. Now, they all seem to come at once, I can't label them, feel guilty and worried about having them and then everything melts down.
I do have a couple of people around me that understand me very well and they are all incredibly patient, especially when I get very paranoid and push them away. They're good at stopping me doing that, regardless of the anger I present to them. It's just annoying because things are happening very slowly... they say I'm impatient but obviously life fixes should happen instantaneously! :P
Maybe it's kind of, for me, about awareness but not too aware? I don't know. I didn't know BPD was genetic or that it altered the brain's functions. I am currently on mirtazapine but that's more for sleep than anything else. I'm not sure if BPD can be helped with medication? I've heard it's more helped via DBT (I am currently on my second session of psychotherapy) but can medication have an impact? A mood stabiliser?
I think I probably think too much but I like to understand things! I also type to much but whatever, it's all good.
Thank you. You've all been really helpful!
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