I think you should talk to Kelly about how the spanking bothers you so much. As you said, there are other ways to punish him, ones that won't give you flashbacks. Hopefully she will understand.
As for the nightmares...I don't really know what to do about those cuz I get them too....maybe they happen when you haven't dealt with certain feelings while you're awake? Maybe you need to just let yourself feel things sometimes, as bad as that may seem, instead of pushing them to the back of your mind only to have them pop up at inconvenient times. But if you do let yourself think about the bad things that happened, make sure you have a healthy coping strategy in mind, i.e. not cutting or drinking. I don't know, that's just an idea.
I hope things get better for you soon. *hugs*
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