That sounds really difficult hun :(
It is hard if all your admissions to date haven't got you to a point where you feel life is worth living. I know your team say you're too high risk for all the outpatient stuff but what else do they say about this admission thing? You're right that no places here seem to keep people for more than a few months. How long do you think you would need though? I'm wondering if you've tried speaking to your professionals about this. Maybe a longer one can be arranged if you outline your rationale.
I guess the concern worth long admissions is institutionalization, as beckie touched on above. Maybe after solong in there the focus will sshift from preparing you for the world to just coping in there. Would it be hard to maintain motivation of getting back to life if you know you're in there so long? I don't know I'm tired but I guess this is something you can decide based on how you've felt after admissions for several months.
Hmmm not sure I've been helpful but please keep talking and sharing your thoughts :)
Ps I will get back to your pm I just haven't been on my laptop and it's hard from my phone xxx
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