I'm not handing them in, it feels like my last chance. Even if I don't use them? I don't even know if I've got the control. I wish I had my dressings. Then they wouldn't know. I could do baby cuts, but I need something decent.
What do I want? In an ideal world? To stop existing. And varying degrees of that basically. Overdose and be out of it for a few days. For Christmas.
I don't really know. I'm in a really avoidant phase i think. Ignore it and it will go away? I know it won't. I'll just stay here forever. Though maybe that's easier?
Husband told my nurse I need to see her. She reckons I'm 'in good spirits', I don't know how they work these things out from seeing you for 10 minutes. Maybe I don't look so down? I don't even know what's real anymore.
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