I went to see the financial advisor for my mom today. And I went to the psychiatrist. I also spent the night at my gmom's because she had fallen and couldn't care for herself. I am tired. But All I want to do is stay up and hurt myself more. I weighed myself today and my medicine has made me gain a nunch of weight in two weeks. I feel disgusting I am going to go on a new medicine but I still feel disgusting. I want to vomit. I also hurt myself and it didn';t help. I wish it did. I hate myself so much. All I keep thinking about is hurting myself or killing myself right now. or vomitting. I can;t stand to be around myself.
I hate that I am such an awful wife. I hate that I am an awful friend. I hate everything. I hate that I am disgusting. I hate that because I am in my husband's life he lost so monay peopel if we had never met I would probably be dead already but he would only be having to deal with his mom having cancer not everyone around us dying.
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