I am not feeling as positive about group anymore. The group is really large. Today was friends and family day and there were 19 people in attendance. There were only 3 freinds and family people, so 16 in the group. I am going to talk to the group leader about her DBT group and other possible groups.
I also contacted some grief support groups. I will be getting some information in the mail about one and am waiting to hear back from the others.
I made an appointment for tomorrow with the psychiatrist I saw the day I was admitted. The psychiatrist through the light program is not going to see me until mid december. Rather far away considering the symptoms I have. Also, I have a weird spot on my toe. Lamictal is known to cause a flesh eating rash so that has me concerned. Also, considering how I feel most days it and the Zyprexa are doing nothing for me.
Also, my mother in law got some bad news and we had to take her to the hospital tonight. SHe was in a lot of pain. Her cancer is causing a fluid build up in her abdomen and she also has a hernia. We are hoping that she will be getting drained. And my father in law did not get a form in time so he has to reschedule his stress test for his heart.
Today sucked at group. Due to the size wounds were ripped open and then not even sutured before we left. I had a lot of things come up about my mom today. We also were talking about forgiveness and self-blame. Other touchy topics for me.
I have decided to start baking. That is helping urges. I also have been doing some art and writing. I wish the urge were gone. I hate the feeling of WORKING so HARD to stay safe. Even if it is just staying near my husband or staying in a room away from things.
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