RYL Forums - View Single Post - Slipping away from myself *contains SI, drug abuse*

-Stewie- · 17-11-2013, 02:49 AM

I forgot my password and got locked out of my account, so it's been a while.

An update:

I'm feeling better. Not "okay" yet, but better.

First the drug thing got worse, as I feared it would. I took several 'shouldn't be taken togethers' at once and ended up the sketchiest I have ever been in my life. To make matters worse, I went into the only 'full' panic attack I have ever had in my life and my 'friends' left me. Alone. In central London. On a weekend. Having a panic attack (yes I repeated that part).

Shortly afterwards, I got to talk to my sister. She wasn't tactful at all but I think her harshness was more helpful. In the three months since then I have only been out twice, but I took things on both occasions. I was just a lot more careful in that I didn't kid myself I could rely on anyone if it went tits up. The latter of those two times, I got caught with things by a bouncer. I don't know why I was let off but it was a lucky escape.

I think like Ash says I need to have a proper think about it all. The above should be enough to put me off going near anything ever again, but I still don't have that iron clad resolve not to touch drugs... it's easy to reduce going out and pretend you're not messing with them any more.

Those "friends" are doing the same old every weekend still. This makes me quite sad because deep down I know that there will be a time that I have to let them all go. They've started to go beyond weekend use. They look terrible. All conversations start with "I took this much of this and he took that much of that" and end with "and we were all sooooo high". I don't mean to be rude but I've actually begun to see them as quite pathetic.

In general other news I finished counselling and am on a waiting list for CBT though I am not entirely convinced it will achieve much more than a couple of particularly good self help books I have located... I'm more settled after all the moving around and I'm beginning to think about what I want to do next in life and have even looked at a few Masters courses >.<

Which is a big improvement to breaking down at the thought of 10 minutes in the future which is what I was like all summer.

There are other less positive updates but they're for another thread less late at night.

17-11-2013, 02:49 AM	#5
-Stewie- da quen b Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: London I am currently:	I forgot my password and got locked out of my account, so it's been a while. An update: I'm feeling better. Not "okay" yet, but better. First the drug thing got worse, as I feared it would. I took several 'shouldn't be taken togethers' at once and ended up the sketchiest I have ever been in my life. To make matters worse, I went into the only 'full' panic attack I have ever had in my life and my 'friends' left me. Alone. In central London. On a weekend. Having a panic attack (yes I repeated that part). Shortly afterwards, I got to talk to my sister. She wasn't tactful at all but I think her harshness was more helpful. In the three months since then I have only been out twice, but I took things on both occasions. I was just a lot more careful in that I didn't kid myself I could rely on anyone if it went tits up. The latter of those two times, I got caught with things by a bouncer. I don't know why I was let off but it was a lucky escape. I think like Ash says I need to have a proper think about it all. The above should be enough to put me off going near anything ever again, but I still don't have that iron clad resolve not to touch drugs... it's easy to reduce going out and pretend you're not messing with them any more. Those "friends" are doing the same old every weekend still. This makes me quite sad because deep down I know that there will be a time that I have to let them all go. They've started to go beyond weekend use. They look terrible. All conversations start with "I took this much of this and he took that much of that" and end with "and we were all sooooo high". I don't mean to be rude but I've actually begun to see them as quite pathetic. In general other news I finished counselling and am on a waiting list for CBT though I am not entirely convinced it will achieve much more than a couple of particularly good self help books I have located... I'm more settled after all the moving around and I'm beginning to think about what I want to do next in life and have even looked at a few Masters courses >.< Which is a big improvement to breaking down at the thought of 10 minutes in the future which is what I was like all summer. There are other less positive updates but they're for another thread less late at night.
	"Zeus did not want man to throw his life away, no matter how much the other evils might torment him, but rather to go on letting himself be tormented anew. To that end, he gives man hope. In truth, it is the most evil of evils because it prolongs man's torment."