Awwh darling *squishes*
I know what you are going through, because I can relate the same feelings between me and my mother. It can be hard when you don't feel like they love and care, but I'ms ure she does. Have you tried talking to her about how you are feeling? There are other ways to express your need for care and affection from her, maybe it's worth trying to verablise your pain instead of hurting yourself for it? I know it's hard, but please try and look after yourself - you'll get through this.
Are you seeing anyone like a counsellor or a psychologist? It might be useful for you to have someone you can talk to and deal with your feelings about things around you, and yourself - because I assure you, you'e not as horrible as you describe - noway!
*squishes*
Best Wishes,
Aimee xo
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