Hey honey,
You will be okay.
These thoughts can be overwhelming and can seem like they are so much bigger and stronger than you...but they're not. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Ys, ideally you'd be able to quit cold turkey and never think of it all again...but realistically it takes time and a lot of work.
Try breaking it down into manageable pieces...i.e try to go say, two days, without SHing. Then make another aim.
It's tough when your thoughts seem to be your worst enemy but things will get easier.
x x x
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