[Hiding Amaranth]

I was doing pretty good for a while, had the occasional self-harn slip, but they weren't as bad as they had been before. I was really trying to get out of the habit of hurting myself so much. But last week, as what eventually happens, a long list of problems led me to have a big slip.

Now, here's the thing about when I cut: I usually do it until I feel a signgnificant amount of pain. It'll hurt, sure, but I don't stop until I felt enough pain to make the stress or whatever other trigger that prompted it go away. It might be just a few little stratches, or I might have my entire forearm covered in small cuts. It depends on that individual situation.

This time, however...This time, I stopped when I suddenly realised how deep I had gone. Three of the cuts were deep enough to go into the "meat" of my skin, and one of those deep ones almost ran clear up from my elbow to my wrist. I immediately bandaged it up, but I still lost quite a bit of blood. Thankully, this didn't require a hosptal visit, and it healed alright, although I have some deep scarring to deal with now.

Although the one thing I find really weird about the whole thing is that I felt no pain. Not during the act of cutting, or later on wheh the "rush" of the act wore off. I was expecting it to hurt at some point, but it just never hit me. I'm not sure how far on the scale of bad things that ranks at.