Rockaroni, I don't think that makes you a fraud at all. You were close, you saw her struggle and her pain. That combined with grief would have an impact that maybe you're not ready to get 'emotional' yet (if that what needs to happen). Everyone reacts to death in their own unique ways, there is no right or wrong. I hope you're as okay as you can be, I'm so sorry for your loss.
What you wrote made me quite tearful, I'm sorry she was in so much pain and distress. It's just so unfair how life treats good people. I'm glad she's at peace now, she certainly deserves it.
(I really hope what I've said wasn't out of line).
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