what are other things that feel like love? how would you show love to someone else?... try to do those things for yourself
i hope you made it through the night, i really really do *hug*
i get the whole body wanting to cry feeling... for me it feels like pressure behind my eyes, and the rest of my body just heavy but sorta tingling too... really unpleasant. but it has always eventually gone away for me (sometimes after i let myself have a really good long cry)
i don't think that youre fat, ugly, or horrible... but even if you were, i don't think that you'd deserve to die... i mean, would you tell someone else who was overweight, not so pretty, and sometimes unpleasant that they deserved to die for that? that for those three things, they are just as bad as a mass murderer on death row?.... i think not, right... why would you give so much compassion to someone else in your position, but none to yourself... my bet is the answer is because you hate yourself, and you don't hate other people. but think about it, how do you change hatred for someone? not by hiding away from them, or punishing them. if you hate someone unreasonably (which your hate for yourself is) that hate is only going to go away if you spend time with them, treat them well, and come to see and appreciate their good qualities... you've got to do the same for yourself
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