Are you getting any support from your doctor or a therapist or anything? It sounds like you're really struggling to manage feelings about something right now.
Laxatives, whether 'natural' or not, can be really damaging long term. Much more so if you are misusing them/don't require them. I understand you're using these things as coping mechanisms, but i think it's essential to be aware of the extent of what you could be doing to yourself.
Is there something about using laxatives to flush out your system, that gives you release because you feel empty? If so, maybe it's worth thinking about what you are really trying to rid yourself of. What is it that is so hard to face? Would you be able to talk to someone about this, rather than trying to avoid the feelings and self-destructing?
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