I'm sorry to read you are in such a bad place at the moment. As you say you don't really notice when you are on them. the only thing I guess I would say is that if you do feel you have to use them make sure you get the best quality? I'm not sure what you are taking but having spent several years on cannabis I know that when I bought realy dodgy stuff i had major paranoia attacks which scared the hell out of me. Any drugs as you know are bad for you but at least try and get ones that haven't been too badlu mucked around with.
Is there something that triggers off you wanting to use them? People you are around? Places you go? Mine used to be wearing a slipknot hoody and meeting with certain friends always used to trigger me off. I still can't wear the hoody now without wanting to get stoned :(
I don't know about it going on your record so can't advise about that but really think you should try and talk to someone about it, even if it's on here. You are welcome to message me if you like :) I don't use drugs anymore but did for 5 years and I can understand the 'self destruct' situation you are in.
Does the friend who was using them with you want to continue using them? If so you may need to really reconsider whether being around them is a good idea...
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