I'm going to assume (with you hopefully) that you don't want to SI. I think that's why you've gone months without, why you're looking for support now, and what you feel you can't control what's causing you to want to SI. What is triggering you to SI? How have you avoided it the last months? Why aren't those things as useful now? What other things can you do to distract/avoid? I'm glad you're reaching out for support.
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