Drew I think you need to see a therapist again. Your parents won't have to find out which I know you're concerned about, and you need the help.
You have at least three threads here with a lot of pain going around in circles. It's up to you now and you need to get some help and see a therapist or at least check in with a doctor about your feeling.
Pea soup has clearly been distressed by your words and it is unfair to leave little notes that sound like suicide notes around the boards. We want to help you but there is only so much you can do and now it's up to you to reach out and get the support you need.
Can you do that? I know it's hard but we'll be here for you.
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