[black_vortex]

• Female
• Cutting? 10. Self Injurious behaviors like hitting self, I honestly cannot remember, for as long as I can remember. Maybe always?
• Cutting, Bruising, Wound Interference/Scratching
• For a long time I didn’t hide it, it was just blamed on me being clumsy. When I progressed a bit more, yes I hid it. Bracelets and watches, and hiding it by choosing to harm in areas I know won’t be shown off.
• To cope. To know I can still hurt, to know I am still alive, to stop feeling, to feel and not be numb, punishment, and oddly sometimes – rewards.
• Yes, many friends, and my boyfriend. All reacted differently, but all were supportive in their own way. Some I told in person, some over the internet. After explaining it, they all understand. Some I don’t discuss it with anymore, just having them be aware stops me from feeling like im lying. Some however, are the best support system I’ve ever had.
• No I haven’t sought professional help.
• Yes. This is complex. When 10, I told my best friend about my problems (self harm and suicidal feelings). She felt similar. We supported each other. I managed to pull myself out of it, she couldn’t. The school counselors were all so concerned about her, but couldn’t see that she was craving attention, and they couldn’t see I was/had been, the same, and probably needed help. I was hurt and upset, so I hated school counselors. This has only recently been fixed. Now I want to get help, but I haven’t built up the courage to go to the uni psychs yet. I want to, but im rather busy. But I have promised to do it by the middle of next year. Here’s hoping I’ll do it.
• No. Im training to be a psych, so I won’t even think about what I ‘could’ have. Im too personally involved.
• No. My SI and suicidal feelings were very separate, in both method, feelings, and timing.
• I haven’t, however my mother worked in the emergency room in our major hospital here, and yeah, staff treatment is getting there, but old ideas, stereotypes and a lack of education are still major problems.
• Yes. I’ve quit a few times. Sometimes just because I knew SI’ing would make me feel bad and guilty in the long run, so during short exam periods it was easier to fight off the urges, than to deal with the guilt. I went a long time without active self harm. It wasn’t a choice, it just happened. However, SI came back during a difficult time. I would have been about 16/17 when that happened. I decided to quit, for good, around my 17th birthday, due to a funeral of a friend. Distractions and friends support were far more important than holding ice or drawing in red ink.
• As a SI’er? No. It is separate, I honestly believe that. However, as someone moving into the mental/health area, maybe. Not because I think it is, but because I think if it was, we may receive better funding, support and public awareness, which is important.
• Mine was never very physically destructive. My self control in hitting, scratching and wound interference has increased, but no, not much difference. It was never a daily thing, so I never had to top the previous one to get the same high, meaning I never got into that dangerous circle.
• Isn’t that what quitting is all about? Trying to do that? I’ve tried to find things that give the same effect, but nothing does. I think what makes more sense, instead of trying to find something the same, is to change what we prefer. So now instead of cutting, I say, read a cute fanfic or vid that makes me obsess a little. I prefer that now (kind of) to SI.
• Yes, and no. I regret that I lost my innocence that way, that I practically have turned into a different person. But no, because it is me, whether I like it or not. And some of my best friends I have bonded with because of this. Love it or hate it, I accept it because it makes sense to.
• Of course. However personally, while I know more awareness will stop counselors and teachers, and parents and friends and random people on the street being mean or stupid, making coming out easier, I would prefer people to not know about it. Because if they knew, I’d be ashamed. Like with my family. My mum works in health, so she knows about SI. I don’t want her to know I SI. However my friends, despite having known other people who do it/done it themselves/emo stereotypes, I would prefer to tell them. Because to them it’s just a me thing, not a ‘somethings wrong with her’ thing. I bet that doesn’t make sense, I wish I could explain it better. Despite that, we really need awareness, starting with the health profession and schools, since this is the frontline. Then the general public.
• Good questions, however, most of it has been previously covered. Depends on the application of this survey as to whether that’s good or not. Some good questions that made me think, and will probably make a good report.
• My answers are in the context that I have been stopped for over two years. But I remember what it was like vividly. Nothing extra to say that wouldn’t echo what others have said before me. Good luck.