maybe you could talk to a financial planner or debt consultant... i don't know about the uk, but i'm pretty sure there are free or low cost ones here, and there might be something similar... getting professional advice about the money might help you feel a bit more confident.
what feelings are behind the wanting to harm?... fear, shame, guilt? people harm for all sorts of different reasons, and sometimes it can help to relabel the "need to harm" feeling as what it really is, which is an emotion like the ones i listed...
and i'm proud of you
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