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Critically Wounded · 06-11-2007, 08:57 PM

Male/Female
Female.
How old were you when you started to Self Injure?
16.
How do you SI?
Cut, OD, alcohol abuse
Do you try to hide it? How?
Yes I do. I hide cutting myself by doing it on my thighs (which no one ever sees). I hide the alcohol abuse by drinking in private (in my room etc.)
Why do you SI? What do you get out of it?
At first it was a way of expressing how I felt, to control it so no one saw all those bad emotions. Now I do it to cover my feelings or sometimes to prove that I can still feel.
Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them?
I haven't told anyone but a friend knows because she's on this website. My family know from a suicide attempt. My father thought it was a "fad" you know cuz like all the cool kids are doing it *rolls eyes* My friend understands because she does it herself and was very supportive.
Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you?
I have professional help but that was originally for depression but self-harm is obviously a factor involved. I believe it's made me learn a lot about myself and how my mind works, how depression works and how to use my life positively instead of getting depressed and hiding away. This in turn has helped me to reduce self-harming - I haven't self-harmed for nearly a year now. I wouldn't call myself recovered though, I'll constantly be in recovery for the rest of my life, but that's a battle I'll have to face.
Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you?
It took a lot of courage to get help. Fear from not being understood, or put into a psych ward stopped me seeking help. Fear that people would see my vulnerability and use it to their advantage was a big worry.
Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI?
I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. There's undoubtedly a connection between them both and SI. Depression and anxiety makes you need to cope with a lot of intense emotions and alas self-harm was always there to help that.
Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide?
Yes - overdosing.
If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you?
The "regular" staff who weren't mental health professionals treated me badly. I felt they didn't understand suicide, self-harm or the reasons behind it at all. They called me selfish and that I only thought about myself, they also suggested I never intended to die but just for attention. The mental health team however I felt listened to me - at first at least. But after the initial help from them they seem to have given up on me now, as I'm not seen as a risk to myself as much however I'm not better. They seem to give up when you're off the critical list, then the cycle starts over.
Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not?
Like I said above I am in recovery. Self-harm has never bothered me or I've never thought it was "bad" - to this day I don't see a harm in it as sometimes it's been a survival tactic for me. The reason I gave up was for my boyfriend. He was disappointed when I slipped up and couldn't really understand my "need" for it.
Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself?
Not really but then I don't think depression or anxiety should either. Often you're not just one disorder you're a mixture and everyone is individual with individual feelings, coping mechanisms and everyone needs a different support plan it's not a clear cut treatment for it. I hate being labelled as "Subject X, Depression and anxiety". I'm a person - get to know me outside of that to discover the root to help solve it not just as a disease.
Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same?
I go through spits and spouts. Sometimes it'd be really bad other times I wouldn't self-harm at all.
If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative?
Probably not - part of the point of self-harm is the pleasure to destructing yourself. The way I saw it I was a bad person and I wanted to die so destruction was a GOOD thing.
Did you ever regret SI?
No - To this day I don't regret it, it makes me who I am.
Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’?
I think SI awareness has pros and cons. The con is that the stereotype a self-harmer carries often makes it seem an absurd thing to do and you're a freak for doing it or whatever when in reality you're not. The pro is that to come out of the self-harming closet means you can start to help yourself by finding out causes and ways to cope in a different way if that's what you choose and to get support.
State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire.

I think it's good that you want to raise awareness of self-harm but unfortunately some people are too deluded and their opinions on self-harm will often be negative accept to thos who do it themselves. Prepare to be mocked, but equally hopefully helping someone "come out" and get help.

06-11-2007, 08:57 PM	#35
Critically Wounded Join Date: Nov 2007	Male/Female Female. How old were you when you started to Self Injure? 16. How do you SI? Cut, OD, alcohol abuse Do you try to hide it? How? Yes I do. I hide cutting myself by doing it on my thighs (which no one ever sees). I hide the alcohol abuse by drinking in private (in my room etc.) Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? At first it was a way of expressing how I felt, to control it so no one saw all those bad emotions. Now I do it to cover my feelings or sometimes to prove that I can still feel. Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? I haven't told anyone but a friend knows because she's on this website. My family know from a suicide attempt. My father thought it was a "fad" you know cuz like all the cool kids are doing it rolls eyes My friend understands because she does it herself and was very supportive. Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? I have professional help but that was originally for depression but self-harm is obviously a factor involved. I believe it's made me learn a lot about myself and how my mind works, how depression works and how to use my life positively instead of getting depressed and hiding away. This in turn has helped me to reduce self-harming - I haven't self-harmed for nearly a year now. I wouldn't call myself recovered though, I'll constantly be in recovery for the rest of my life, but that's a battle I'll have to face. Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? It took a lot of courage to get help. Fear from not being understood, or put into a psych ward stopped me seeking help. Fear that people would see my vulnerability and use it to their advantage was a big worry. Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. There's undoubtedly a connection between them both and SI. Depression and anxiety makes you need to cope with a lot of intense emotions and alas self-harm was always there to help that. Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? Yes - overdosing. If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? The "regular" staff who weren't mental health professionals treated me badly. I felt they didn't understand suicide, self-harm or the reasons behind it at all. They called me selfish and that I only thought about myself, they also suggested I never intended to die but just for attention. The mental health team however I felt listened to me - at first at least. But after the initial help from them they seem to have given up on me now, as I'm not seen as a risk to myself as much however I'm not better. They seem to give up when you're off the critical list, then the cycle starts over. Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? Like I said above I am in recovery. Self-harm has never bothered me or I've never thought it was "bad" - to this day I don't see a harm in it as sometimes it's been a survival tactic for me. The reason I gave up was for my boyfriend. He was disappointed when I slipped up and couldn't really understand my "need" for it. Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? Not really but then I don't think depression or anxiety should either. Often you're not just one disorder you're a mixture and everyone is individual with individual feelings, coping mechanisms and everyone needs a different support plan it's not a clear cut treatment for it. I hate being labelled as "Subject X, Depression and anxiety". I'm a person - get to know me outside of that to discover the root to help solve it not just as a disease. Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? I go through spits and spouts. Sometimes it'd be really bad other times I wouldn't self-harm at all. If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? Probably not - part of the point of self-harm is the pleasure to destructing yourself. The way I saw it I was a bad person and I wanted to die so destruction was a GOOD thing. Did you ever regret SI? No - To this day I don't regret it, it makes me who I am. Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? I think SI awareness has pros and cons. The con is that the stereotype a self-harmer carries often makes it seem an absurd thing to do and you're a freak for doing it or whatever when in reality you're not. The pro is that to come out of the self-harming closet means you can start to help yourself by finding out causes and ways to cope in a different way if that's what you choose and to get support. State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire. I think it's good that you want to raise awareness of self-harm but unfortunately some people are too deluded and their opinions on self-harm will often be negative accept to thos who do it themselves. Prepare to be mocked, but equally hopefully helping someone "come out" and get help.
Critically Wounded Join Date: Nov 2007