Made it through for another year... Spent days at mother in laws house, which wasn't exactly pleasant, but it kept the kids safe and that was the most important thing. She tried to be helpful in her own way... the family just isn't really open about emotions, at all, so I had to hide everything. Hallucinating in the toilet where no one could find me and reading for hours because it was a safe, non visible way to disassociate.
Thank you both for your messages.
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