[ghosts in the machine]

1. Male/Female female
2. How old were you when you started to Self Injure? six
3. How do you SI? cutting, burning, minor ODing, punching things, head-banging
4. Do you try to hide it? How? bandages, long sleeves clothes, dark clothing
5. Why do you SI? What do you get out of it? it feels amazing. It's like.. in that split second there's only me and the pain and nothing else exists, nothing bad no past no future, nothing in the universe exists, and there's relief in that
6. Have you ever told anyone that you SI? If yes, who did you tell and how did they react? How did you tell them? I told a teacher when I started cutting (at 13) because I was scaring myself - they just told me not to be silly and to stop it. And a few friends know about it, but it's never mentioned.
7. Did you ever seek professional help for SI? If yes, did it help you? I'm not sure.. it's made me remember the sexual abuse I went through.. I'd prefer to still have that repressed to be honest. I suppose the fact that I have someone to talk to has made things a little easier in the long run
8. Did you ever want to seek help but didn’t? If yes why didn’t you? people already thought I was a freak and I didn't want them to have more things to say about me
9. Have you ever been diagnosed with a psych disorder? If yes, which one? Do you think there is a connection between the disorder and your SI? depression
10. Have you ever SI with the intent of suicide? ODed a few times
11. If you have been to the hospital for SI, how did the staff treat you? N/A
12. Did you ever want to quit SI? Please explain both yes and no answers. If you did decide to try to quit about how long after you started to SI did you decide you wanted to quit? What did you try to do to quit? What helped and what did not? I've never wanted to quit - because it works, basically. I'm convince I will die by my own hand; and I'm good at self destructing really. It's the one thing I excel at, weird as that may sound. However I have been forced to stop for the time being, and I just internalise the bad feelings for now. They'll come out soon enough.
13. Do you think SI should be categorized as disorder in itself? no - it's a symptom of what's wrong, be it distress or something, but it's not a disorder in it's own right
14. Did your SI injury get worse with time or did it stay about the same? it got worse of it's own accord.. and escalated sharply when "events" happened
15. If you could find healthier ways that would give you the same effects of SI, would you stop SIing and replace it with the healthier alternative? I doubt it
16. Did you ever regret SI? nope
17. Do you think the awareness of SI effects peoples willing/unwillingness to ‘come out’? yes - you get labelled as attention seeking/emo/crazy most of the time
18. State any comments about this questionnaire or suggestions to make it better if you like
19. State any additional comments or if you feel you want to say something that wasn’t addressed in this questionnaire. subculture issues with SI? e.g. Goth/emo/other ways to dress, people's misconceptions about the SI not "fitting" with your image