[Crazy Cupcakes]

For the first time since high school, I've started seeing a guy. It was sort of going ok - he kept telling me I 'had to' do things because he wanted me to, and if I said no, he'd pressure me until I agreed, but it was nowhere near as scary or bad as what I was used to.

He's 27, I'm 20. I don't mind the age gap - I'm terrified of guys my own age because of what happened. He said he prefers younger girls because he likes taking care of them. I just accepted that as a reason.

I accepted that he had a slight obsession with porn. He said he'd had to drop out of uni 'cause he'd got addicted and failed his exams.

He didn't accept my quirks though. After I got hurt, I decided that if someone had been bad in the past, and got arrested, it'd be on the internet. I decided I'd be able to google whether people were sex offenders or not. So I google all sorts of people. I wouldn't go into an appointment with my psychiatrist til I'd searched him just in case his background check had missed something. But he wouldn't let me google him.

I met one of his ex girlfriends a couple of days ago, and she said that he'd been really controlling with her. She'd said no and he'd basically refused to accept that. That, plus the fact that he never used his real name on Failbook, he got angry when I referred to him by name on Twitter and the fact that he was really, really against me saying no last time I stayed over at his flat made me more anxious and I couldn't help but search.

My suspicions were correct. He does like younger girls. He's been arrested twice for possessing indecent images. He's on the sex offenders register, and that is, I'm assuming, why he can't get a job.

Now I feel incredibly dirty and confused and I don't know what to do! I don't know how to break up with him without making him angry. I don't want him to hurt me. While I know that he might not actually do that, my head's telling me that he will and I can't block it out. But I work with kids, and I don't want to risk my career by dating a guy who did that! Even if I didn't want to work with kids, he keeps talking about having kids, and I don't feel comfortable knowing he's done that in the first place.

I don't know what I wanted from writing this out here, but I just feel so disgusting! I keep going over and over in my head the number of times he said he liked the fact I look young for my age. I thought I'd actually found a nice guy when we got together. I thought maybe it was his aspergers that made him more insistent when I said no, because he never seemed to understand that I didn't want to - all he could see was that he did. Now I don't know what to think.