This is a very interesting thread and topic. Unfortunately, my mind isn't particularly willing to gather together all my thoughts, so I'll try to bullet point them.
~Your strength and conviction of your thoughts and also your reasons for not sharing them with professionals reminds me completely of the years when I wouldn't accept any medication from anyone because my doctor would hide secret codes in the prescriptions to tell the pharmacist to put poison in them. That was eventually diagnosed as delusional thoughts, as were many of my other convictions (all of which were illogical, I had no particularly firm evidence for my beliefs, and where I was too scare to tell people about them for fear of them realising what I knew).
~Psychosis is an interesting area. When I did training (when I used to work in the MH field as a Peer Worker) we learnt a lot about psychosis and medication and yes, there is a place for it, but it's also important to look for what the meaning of the thoughts are. If these thoughts are paranoid/psychotic/delusion, or whatever, then looking at the meaning of them, the basic meaning may well be a lack of trust in the professionals you work with- from the sounds of it, that total lack of trust is justified and understandable. Would you agree that trusting these professionals is somewhat challenging for you?
~Again, I did training about Schizophrenia and there were some interesting facts about those on medication and off medication, and those who learnt to be with their thoughts and those who struggled- but bearing in mind those thoughts can present in different ways (voices, hallucinations, command issues, etc) I don't know how that fits in. I wonder if it might be worth looking up a lady called Eleanor Longden- she is someone with diagnosed Schizophrenia who is also a Psychiatrist- she had such a bad time when she was diagnosed that her aim was to get well and take on the psychiatric system. She gave us training and was amazing.
~I'm not anti psychiatry, but I am anti professional, in a lot of circumstances, predominantly due to being let down and hurt so much by them. So, in that sense, I can completely relate. I was also sectioned and had blood transfusions forced into my body as a part of my treatment and felt that was a horrific violation of my body and rights. When I was ill I hated them for it, and now I'm much better, the problems with it linger (a lot of fear and panic about not being in control) but I do also have a different perspective on what they did as that that I did at the time. I do, however, believe they could have handled it a different way than they did, but such is life.
~I also want to say it's commendable that you can see that it can help others, that's great :)
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