You're not alone in this dear, I started to do the same thing when I worked in food service & would lose my job if I came in in an unsanitary fashion. Think of it this way - there are plenty of drug addicts. Whether they choose pills, coke, whatever they're still addicts. I doubt any one could tell you why they picked their drug of choice, the same way I can't tell you why some of us break & bruise as opposed to other things. I hope you get help that works for you - and you have a 5-headed alien counterpart if you ever need to talk
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