[ChrisG]

I'm depressed and self-harming right now. Some days I'm low and cut, some days I'm low and don't cut, some days I feel able to cope, some days I think I can cope but I can't.

I'm on meds and waiting for therapy. I've been assessed and told that "Yes, you do need therapy " (No #### sherlock, didn't I tell you that?). I've been waiting for 4 months, and I've probably got 2 more months to wait to see someone.

I had some really bad triggers last week and my SH got worse over the weekend. On friday night I really lost it (by my standards) and went further than I have before (not anything that needed stitches or similar though - yet).

I was struggling yesterday and was bouncing stuff off a friend of mine who's had difficulties in the past by email and described what I'd been thinking and doing. He was honest and was pretty shocked by what I was saying, even though he already knew I was struggling. I read back what I'd written afterwards and I was like "Oh my God, this is not normal, in fact it's pretty ####ed up".

Thing is, I've felt okay today (this probably isn't true as I've cut tonight), but my mate reckons I should go to the doctor tomorrow and tell her about what's happened recently, but that just feels stupid. I mean what do i say? "Yeah, I was a bit down on friday, but feel okay today - what are you going to do now I'm back on an up-slope?"

How trhe hell do I do that? And what the hell will she do anyway?