Hi,
I have BPD, too. Splitting is not one of the things that I do in extremes, but like you it changes depending on if people do something 'wrong'.
In Germany it is called 'black and white' thinking. One of my teachers challenged me once to try and see more 'gray'. So whenever I notice that I start to think 'black and white' I try to find something 'gray' about that person.
Reminding myself that I'm not perfect either helps, too. I have days where I have a bad mood as everyone else.
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