Oh love, I don't know you but I've had a similar experience and spent so long beating myself up over it.
I think apologising to your boyfriend and friends was wise, as it sounds like you gave them a fright, but you need to cut yourself some slack. You're ill. Maybe not something they can see, but you are. If you'd collapsed with a heart problem, lung etc etc then they wouldn't haven't thought twice about it.
I have real issues with dealing with guilt and shame, and it sounds like maybe you do as well (this maybe me being massively presumptuous!) Have you tried writing it down and burning it/ripping it up?
Are you in therapy/counselling? As I'd suggest you bring this up with a professional is possible.
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