You've not wasted my time. I am tired after work but didn't want to leave this without any replies.
Things sound really tough at the moment, and I hear how you feel kind of trapped and really frightened.
What if you're not 'sick', but instead really low and grieving, and also in shock? Totally natural and understandable in the circumstances.
You say your art therapy course can be triggering. But, can you turn that around, and see if you can use it therapeutically for yourself? Yes, it can stir things up, but also, if you maybe do a sequence of pieces representing your emotional journey, your quest [for example] it could be quite healing.
Also, mandalas can be immensely soothing - either creating your own or colouring them in from online printouts or a colouring book. They are symbols of wholeness and integration.
Also, do you not need to have any personal therapy as a requirement of your course? And if not, might it not be something you could consider?
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