bad things happen to good people, (and good things happen to bad people)... thats just how it is... i spent a ton of time wondering "why me?' and honestly it didn't help me at all. the only way i could figure it out at the time was to say "well, i must be bad and not know it" which just made things worse, and was absolutely not true. now i just think that everyone has their own struggles (and if they haven't yet, it will come eventually) and this is mine. i didn't choose it, but i can choose what i do about it. and it sounds like you are making good choices. i do think that it will pay off if you give it time... it did for me. one other thing i had to realize was that i'm never going to be happy all the time. once i lowered my expectations to a reasonable level, it became easier to meet my "happiness goal" and feel satisfied. that said, i'm never going to give up working to be happier, but i know that realistically perfect happiness isn't going to happen, and that makes it easier to not beat up on myself when i am unhappy, and not see unhappiness as a personal failing
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