[Rainbow Colors]

Thank you all so much! This has helped a ton! Blue star, i think you're right it will be a good thing to be honest with her when she's old enough to understand, I never thought about how telling her would give her the tools to know what to do if a friend was showing signs or if she felt the same way I did.
And you all are so sweet :) you're right I should focus on the fact that I haven't shd even though I wanted to.
So kind of on a side note if maybe anyone has some advice for me here, I'm really conflicted about whether to give her up for adoption or keep her, because I hardly have any money and I know that I can't give her everything that I want to give her and that's so hard for me. But even that I could live with, right now I'm a little more worried that i won't even be able to give her everything she needs, and so I feel selfish for wanting to keep her, but she's my baby! We have this adoption agency and I've been going and seeing a counselor there but he's from the LDS religion. And I grew up LDS, and I'm not trying to bash them or anything, but I'm really more agnostic and actually haven't been to church in ages. It's all been fine and stuff and helpful to talk about how the adoption process works, but sometimes the counselor pisses me off because he's just so narrow minded. Even though he doesn't like pressure me into adoption or anything like that, he did say something the last time I saw him that really made me mad, and it just pretty much seemed like he was saying adoption is the only right way to go in a situation like mine where the father doesn't want to marry me or even be a father. And ever since that last visit I've just been like i can do whatever the **** I want and I want to keep my baby, and me and my mom could do a great job raising her, I don't need her dad to help me! But I don't want to make a decision just because I'm feeling stubborn and angry.
It also made me feel icky when he was talking about another girl who was pregnant and gave her baby up for adoption, even though she was engaged and had a guy there who was ready to support her and marry her and help raise that baby even though it wasn't his. She ended up getting married to him and had a baby with him. I just feel like If I were to do something like that right after I had her I would feel so guilty for giving her up.
I am just completely torn and don't know what to do. I just keep going back and forth.