[Blue&Grey]

I am not really sure where to put this, or what I am really trying to say, so just bear with me please.

My entire life I have been very imaginative, and I have had a rich "fantasy life" since before I was in kindergarten that has never gone away. Even when I was little. This enables me to become characters in books I am reading, entertain myself for hours, etc. However, it has always been fairly... dark. The thing is, it influences my reality, to the point that I am getting worried. I sink into long, involved daydreams without realizing what is happening. My emotions are based on imagined events, not reality. Reality usually doesn't phase me unless it infringes on what isn't real. Don't get me wrong, I know the difference between fantasy and reality- but my emotions don't. Half the time I do not feel like I am the same person. I'll take on the thoughts of someone else, someone imaginary. These people are sometimes violent and self- destructive. Though I know I would never actually hurt anyone, the constant images in my head are disturbing to say the least. I have violent images in my head daily. I have always been like this, but it seems to be getting worse. Half of the time I live in a dark fantasy world. What is going on? Am I just overreacting? I wouldn't hurt anyone, ever. I don't want to. But it's in my mind. So is self- destruction, which I will do. My cutting has gotten very bad this past year. I've been in the hospital three times already. I am usually in the state of mind when I cut, like what I am doing is not quite real and won't have real- life repercussions. I don't know what is going on. Sometimes I feel like I am just sinking into my mind and losing touch with the real world.