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Too Shy · 16-12-2012, 03:46 AM

I haven't really spoken to my dad about it at all, although he only had his appointment and told me they think it's cancer yesterday, so there hasn't been much time I guess. We're not very big 'talkers' in my family, my mum was the one who always got us to talk about things. We tend to just keep everything to ourselves.

My dad's out tonight and I was out until midnight too. And I got home and I was going to just get something to eat, 'cos I've been ill today so not eaten anything, and then bed. And I got home and my brother's gone out for the weekend and left every light on, dirty plates everywhere, empty food packets everywhere, washing up all in/by the sink. The house is a mess. This is not anything new, my dad and I always do his tidying up and washing up and everything. But I just wish it could just be done. And if it is cancer and my daddy is ill I will take over everything even more, like I have done since my mummy died. My dad and I do everything and share it all, I have taken over the organising of things. And obviously if he is ill I will take over and do everything else too.

And I know it doesn't sound like anything. It's not really anything, it's just my family, my brother has always been messy. But tonight I just couldn't deal with it. I just wanted to come in and eat something and sleep because I feel ill and I can't relax while it all needs doing, and I just wish I could get some help with some of it. So instead I went outside and I sat somewhere round the corner and I have just sat there for 2.5 hours and cried non-stop.

I feel like everything is falling apart and I'm so frightened and I'm so selfish because I should be happy to do it all, and I am happy to help obviously, but I'm just so tired and scared and stressed and it's not even confirmed if it's cancer yet, so maybe I'm just worrying for nothing. But they think it is, and it might be, and just the word is unbearable, and I will have to be the strong one and the positive one again and I'm not anything of those things. I'm just a stupid, selfish, horrible person and I don't know how to cope with it.

And now I'm rambling and I'm sorry.

16-12-2012, 03:46 AM	#10
Too Shy Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: West Sussex I am currently:	I haven't really spoken to my dad about it at all, although he only had his appointment and told me they think it's cancer yesterday, so there hasn't been much time I guess. We're not very big 'talkers' in my family, my mum was the one who always got us to talk about things. We tend to just keep everything to ourselves. My dad's out tonight and I was out until midnight too. And I got home and I was going to just get something to eat, 'cos I've been ill today so not eaten anything, and then bed. And I got home and my brother's gone out for the weekend and left every light on, dirty plates everywhere, empty food packets everywhere, washing up all in/by the sink. The house is a mess. This is not anything new, my dad and I always do his tidying up and washing up and everything. But I just wish it could just be done. And if it is cancer and my daddy is ill I will take over everything even more, like I have done since my mummy died. My dad and I do everything and share it all, I have taken over the organising of things. And obviously if he is ill I will take over and do everything else too. And I know it doesn't sound like anything. It's not really anything, it's just my family, my brother has always been messy. But tonight I just couldn't deal with it. I just wanted to come in and eat something and sleep because I feel ill and I can't relax while it all needs doing, and I just wish I could get some help with some of it. So instead I went outside and I sat somewhere round the corner and I have just sat there for 2.5 hours and cried non-stop. I feel like everything is falling apart and I'm so frightened and I'm so selfish because I should be happy to do it all, and I am happy to help obviously, but I'm just so tired and scared and stressed and it's not even confirmed if it's cancer yet, so maybe I'm just worrying for nothing. But they think it is, and it might be, and just the word is unbearable, and I will have to be the strong one and the positive one again and I'm not anything of those things. I'm just a stupid, selfish, horrible person and I don't know how to cope with it. And now I'm rambling and I'm sorry.