Hiya,
I used to be EXACTLY like how you are thinking now - that medication is pointless and its all just fake. However, just because you have tried a lot of tablets, that doesn't mean you haven't tried them all. And you may find that tablet you take one day which actually does make things a little easier.
I dont think medication is about trying to make you happy - its more like trying to make things a little easier for you so you can engage in things like therapy and such and it actually be helpful and worthwhile.
To be perfectly honest, it doesn't really sound like you're very happy at the moment anyway, so maybe you think the tablets are making you feel 'fake' happy because in fact they're not actually working at all, but you think they must be working, and so this is what 'fake' happy feels like to you - miserable. (if that paragraph makes any sense at all! I know what im trying to say!)
Maybe you could talk to your doctor about starting back at square one? Coming off all the medication you take for your mood and starting with a clean slate with a new type of medication? You'd need a break in the middle so the effects of the last ones wearing off don't affect you taking the new one, but maybe it's something worth discussing with your doctor? Because to be honest it sounds like you're getting so frustrated with these tablets that it's actually adding to your problems and potentially making things worse.
Just a thought..
And if you do find a tablet that helps, then it will just make things that little bit easier, so you can take the steps you need to take in order to feel better long term.
And also I just wanted to say, no-one is happy all the time. It's an impossible goal, so try to be realistic in your expectations.
Take care.
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