ebec11 You seem to know where this behaviour is coming from... your fear of being abandoned.
Thank you for sharing your problem so honestly here. I love animals. However, you are even more precious than an animal, but this does not give you the right to hurt a helpless creature. (You already know this, but remind yourself.)
I believe you can stop by talking yourself through this. Plan ahead of time what you will say and do when the urge comes over you.
When I had to let someone in my life go, I would say out loud while grieving, "I love you enough to let you go." or " I still need and want you so much, but I love you, so will honour your right to choose to go."
I am so sorry your Dad who should be around to hug, support, advise and protect you left. This is a massive wound. I pray you will find a caring person who will help you walk through that loss.
Be gentle with your pets and with yourself.
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