[Bitter_Angel]

I got tons i need to say and yet i cant find the words.
I feel like im a ball of emotion waaiting to explode but its just so painful.
I cant do anything right, no matter how hard i try, so why do i keep trying?
Its ironic, im finaly in the state now where i can let go of everything, im ready to do the deed and be pain free, so i have my regrets, i promised myself one time that i wouldnt do it until i had ecperinced love to see what it was like. but i don care anymore. In the words of my mother, im a selfish bloody madame. So not like its going to happen anyway.
I have beenbabysitting, to help my sister. I have also jut worked 10hours of hard labour with sawand hammers to earn some money to go towards the rent i cant pay. I have been involved in the minor car accidents in the last 2 days and i ache all over. I have just sat in the police station for2 hours. I have just puked.
Yet I am a failure. Try as i might, I have been unable to do the damage that I want.No matte how hard I punch my knuckle refuses to break. Sure its 3 times the size but it wont break.
Its ironic, Im ready o do the deed and im wating it so much. Yet I cant. Im scared because if it dosnt work, i know i have blood tests aranged for tomorrow. People cant know. Thats when teams start getting involved and things in lace to stop it.
Im shaking and I cant stop. Everyone has gone out. Yet I can hear noises downstairs. I keep thinking somebody is there.
I dont want to be me anymore. And I dont think it is fair that people keep making me fight and live though it. They shouldnt have saved me last time. If they hadnt everyone would have gotten over it by now an I wouldnt have to do this.
Yes im selfish im oly thinking of myself. I do not care how others would feel if im no here, because im sefish, i ony care about me and right now the me needs to be dead!

I dont know why i wrote this, it cant achieve anything. Its pointless just like life. So ignore. Its just a rant in the wrong place.