The fact that you've identified when you're most likely to harm your pets (when you feel abandoned) is a good thing. I'm not sure whether you have discussed abandonment issues in therapy before, but this could be something for you to explore. For example, working out what triggers you to fear them leaving you could prompt you into automatically getting away from them so you can't hurt them.
Also, hurting your pets seems to be making you feel even worse about yourself. Having struggled with depression and self-harm, you don't need any further reasons to feel bad about yourself! Maybe doing the opposite of hurting them - treating them with kindness and love in a variety of ways - could serve to make you feel good in yourself, as well as improving your relationship with them and prevent them getting hurt. Even if you feel really angry and hurt, you can learn to identify this and act in a compassionate way even if it goes against your instincts at the time.
Best of luck.
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