My self harm started as a way to control the pain i was receiving. i was in the Marine Corps and while away for training my ex-wife was not the most loyal of people. i found this out while away and during training i had the job of heaving heavy canisters of tnt and other explosives out of a storage container ever day. while doing this i would get "injured" because my mind was not on the task it should have been and the injuries actually helped me focus...brought all the screaming down to a pin point of pain that i could see..touch and i knew where this pain had come from..how it was caused..and if i wanted i could add to it..it carried over into my civilian life where it has changed due to circumstances but is still there..
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