Hi there,
It is really hard to say it for the first time. The first time I said it out loud, I asked the person to please not look at me and I forced myself to say it. Your boyfriend would have a much better understanding if you can tell him. I know it's hard but you CAN do it.
My relationship of 5 years has been strained due to sex. My partner has been really patient with me and honestly we haven't had sex in months but she is ok with that because she knows my past. I try to do it for her when I possibly can but I won't risk my emotional and mental health just to please her. That may sound selfish but my health has to come first or I will be no good for anyone.
I think it would be helpful for you to seek therapy. You don't have to go into specifics the first time you are there. Let the therapist know that you are scared of talking. When I first started in therapy, I told them that I couldn't talk on my own and I asked them to just ask me questions and I would answer the best I could. I did tell them I had an abusive past and then left it up to them to drag it out of me by questioning. I don't know if this will help you but it did for me.
Good luck to you.
Much love.
xxxxxxxxxx
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