[butterflymom]

i don't think i really want to die. but i keep having thoughts of trying...but in my thoughts i never actually die. someone stops me or finds me and i live. but i wonder what people would do and say, if they would care. i honestly don't think people's daily lives would change that much if i were to disappear.

is this being suicidal, or just a desperate longing for attention, for someone to care?

or maybe it's one of those things that i won't feel like i am sick enough to need help until i am desperate enought to end things.

sorry if this sounds stupid. i just can't get the thoughts out of my head, how i would do it if i really had to.