[Buttons.]

*Disclaimer: all names have been changed to protect privacy of those around me*

We were greeted warmly by the staff who once my parents had hugged me and left, took my belongings and led me down one corridor, then another to the room that would be mine for the remainder of my stay.

They searched my belongings sensitively but expertly, only by hiding things on my person did I manage to hang onto anything I could do myself harm with. They were quite strict about remaining outside of your room, particularly if you were a self harm/suicide risk, so it was explained to me that I must stay on communal areas until my obs were reduced from the current 15 minutes.

I scowled at this, being a private person as previously mentioned, I found being forced to socialise for too long distressing and irritating, particularly with the concerns my intrusive thoughts were providing me with, mean little whispers 'They can see those images you know,' 'You sick bitch, when they see what you're thinking they'll all hate you,' and so and so forth, buzzing like angry bees.

Shaking my head to try and clear it I tried to concentrate as the staff gave me a walk through tour of the ward, leading me finally into the larger living room. Here I settled myself awkwardly into a chair and gazed round curiously at the other patients, with whom I would be spending the best part of every day with.

The staff left us to it, and an incredibly thin girl with a bruised face and pained eyes leaned forward and introduced herself. 'I'm Cory,' she said with a small smile. 'Hi, I'm Katy,' I responded with a nervous smile. Cory then proceeded to introduce the rest of the inhabitants of the room, all of whom nodded and smiled in response. A woman of foreign origin called Jackie greeted me particularly warmly, welcoming me onto the ward, and reassuring me.

We watched TV in a comfortable silence, then heard the welcome and familiar phrase 'Fag run guys!' I leapt to my feet and followed what seemed to be the whole ward to a door at the end of the second corridor, which I soon discovered lead out to some stairs which in turn lead to the enclosed garden where those who didn't have obs levels able to go out the front were allowed to smoke, though those who had obs to go out the front often snuck down with the rest when they couldn't be bothered to trek properly outside.

Once outside we lined up as though waiting for a bus to use the built in lighter on the wall. I was nervous about using it having never seen one before, but after watching a few people light their cigarettes and under Jackie and Cory's guidance I managed to light me cigarette and join them at a bench, inhaling appreciatively.

We talked casually about everything and nothing and Cory pointed out some patients whom I hadn't yet met. I noticed that most people were lighting a second fag off their first and deduced that smoking times were quite rigid and not always terribly frequent here, so I hastily did the same.

Soon it was time to go back and we trooped back up the stairs together, some peeling off to go into their rooms (those who were on high enough obs to be allowed to do so) and the rest either holing up in the smaller quiet lounge, buying a drink in the cafeteria or returned to the main lounge. I followed Cory into the main lounge and settled once more into watching TV.

Another girl appeared, near to us in age, who looked strangely familiar. Cory, who seemed to be our meeter and greeter introduced her as Harriet. Harriet flopped down on one of the sofas, then turned to look at me curiously. 'I think I know you from somewhere,' she said pensively. 'I think I know you from somewhere too,' I answered, wracking my brains.

We went through a few scenarios, favourite haunts and so on but nothing was matching up until she asked 'Which school did you go to?' It turned out that before I dropped out of school at the age of 14 we had attended the same high school (and hated it in equal measures).

I remembered Harriet as a very talented singer and musician and told her so, to which she smiled, in a pleased if not a little embarrassed way. I found out that she had been on the ward approximately a year and was to be moved to a different ward fairly soon. I was sad to hear this, as I felt we had started to build a rapport, but, I reassured myself, I would still have Cory and Jackie who also seemed very friendly, and anyway I was hoping I wouldn't be staying too long regardless. Maybe a couple of days while I got my head back on? How very wrong I was.