oh that sounds like a horrible situation to be in. *hugs* i would go speak to the counselors yourself, not to try and get sent to the hospital, but just to get some support, as this is probably going to be emotional and stressful for a while, and you shouldn't have to try and handle it all on your own.
i understand feeling jealous. when i was in partial hospitalization i felt that way because there were some people who had been in inpatient, and i felt like they were in some way more valid than i was. but after ending up in inpatient, i promise you, it absolutely sucked. i think that it is easy to idealize it because it is a hard thing to remember. there was so much pain while i was there that it is easier to just remember the relatively good parts and not bring up all the things i disliked about it. anyway, being in the hospital isn't like a thermometer for how bad someone is feeling. you suffered a ton too, your friend being in the hospital doesn't mean that you didn't suffer "properly" or "enough" it just means that she happened to be around people who took a different course of action. (also, that doesn't mean that people care more about her than they do about you, it just is that different people react in different ways and have different theories about how to help)
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