wow thank u so much for your thoughtful and supportive reply, it's only been recently that I have even told my CPN that my SH had become more 'bloodletting' so writing on here about it was quite a big deal, and it is soooo scary to know how serious things have become with it as a form of SH in a relatively short space of time.
It's good to hear you have managed, and therefore theres hope, to resist the urges...I have distractions I try and use, like writing in my journal etc, though overtime the urges and thoughts seem to have just become more and more intense. I used to use exercise...gym/walking...as my main distraction, though that fed into my ED and along with the SH becoming more bloodletting and my food restriction my physical health just deteriorated to the point where I can do no strenuous exercise without feeling like I am going to pass out.
I started to work on SH reduction with my CPN, a while ago, and I was trying 'safe' SH, though I think part of me was kidding myself....I allowed myself to cut 200 times, reasoning me putting a number on my 'limit' made it 'safe'....mmmm.....
I don't take iron pills as they made me really 'bumged' up and that just spiralled my ED out of control, so trying to balance the 2 is really hard, plus my HB drops so quickly because of the amount I am loosing blood-wise now it becomes transfusion level within a month.
It's all just a mess, my CPN has said she thinks I am high risk of dying accidently and that scares me, yet I have to face the fact I know it could happen
It just feels now, this is all I have become I have lost myself, my life, even the Cteam member who's known me for 10 years said she wishes the old 'helen' was here, and that I've become very lost....
Anyways, I had my blood test today and gets the results tomorrow, am scared because it'll likely mean hospital either psych to stop me loosing anymore and a medical to be transfused.
I am shattered, and I have waffled a reply....sorry it's long. Just wnated to say thank you again for replying, it's meant a lot to know there are people who understand and know what it's like, and to hear there's hope.....thanku xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx