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aisatsanaraed · 27-09-2012, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GlitterTrashDoll

I completely understand how you feel. But like I said, refraining yourself from taking the first step time after time, will keep making you feel worse and worse. It's hard to get over any fear for anyone, so I know this is hard for you. Remind yourself every day that you do deserve getting where you want in life, and having the amazing career that you have chosen. Because it's true, you deserve so much, and it's great that you are asking help! It shows how much you want this career and that you are very determined, please don't let your fear stop you from doing something you want, and love.

Can I ask what is it that you are scared of? If we tackle that, it might help you on that first step to your career.

Thank you so much for your reply <3
It's very frustrating in that I know and understand (cognitively) what you are saying. I can see for myself that things are getting worse and worse. And yet..

I know that I am afraid of failing, of not being good enough. I am also afraid of succeeding - in the past that has resulted in abandonment and alienation by friends and family. That part of me would rather hide my talents than risk being alone again. And part of me believes I don't deserve it anyway.

***MAY TRIGGER*** I also have a sense that I was told to sit in a corner and STAY THERE until I am given permission to move. (I am an abuse survivor but I only remember in pieces - sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, but not yet narratively.) I feel like I am waiting for someone to give me permission to move on. I also know that moving on will require remembering and also telling, and I am profoundly terrified of both of those things. I know that I will have to do so in order to heal, but at this point the fear is just absolutely overwhelming.

Cognitively, I am quite capable of school and work and such. But I am still in pieces and the other parts of me (emotional, inner child, etc) are still too scared to move. So my cognitive brain, which functions quite well, is very impatient and frustrated with all of the hold-up and abuses myself quite a bit ("look at all this time and energy you are wasting, you are a tremendous burden when you should really be giving back," and other much nastier things on repeat). So paralysis sets in further... Which of course triggers flashbacks, which then set me back further..

I'm sorry, I know this is convoluted and maybe bizarre and that maybe there's no real advice for me. The only way is through. I just feel like I need to put this out there. I don't know why.

Regardless, thank you for listening/reading <3

27-09-2012, 05:02 PM	#8
aisatsanaraed Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: northeastern usa I am currently:	Quote: Originally Posted by GlitterTrashDoll I completely understand how you feel. But like I said, refraining yourself from taking the first step time after time, will keep making you feel worse and worse. It's hard to get over any fear for anyone, so I know this is hard for you. Remind yourself every day that you do deserve getting where you want in life, and having the amazing career that you have chosen. Because it's true, you deserve so much, and it's great that you are asking help! It shows how much you want this career and that you are very determined, please don't let your fear stop you from doing something you want, and love. Can I ask what is it that you are scared of? If we tackle that, it might help you on that first step to your career. Thank you so much for your reply <3 It's very frustrating in that I know and understand (cognitively) what you are saying. I can see for myself that things are getting worse and worse. And yet.. I know that I am afraid of failing, of not being good enough. I am also afraid of succeeding - in the past that has resulted in abandonment and alienation by friends and family. That part of me would rather hide my talents than risk being alone again. And part of me believes I don't deserve it anyway. *MAY TRIGGER* I also have a sense that I was told to sit in a corner and STAY THERE until I am given permission to move. (I am an abuse survivor but I only remember in pieces - sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, but not yet narratively.) I feel like I am waiting for someone to give me permission to move on. I also know that moving on will require remembering and also telling, and I am profoundly terrified of both of those things. I know that I will have to do so in order to heal, but at this point the fear is just absolutely overwhelming. Cognitively, I am quite capable of school and work and such. But I am still in pieces and the other parts of me (emotional, inner child, etc) are still too scared to move. So my cognitive brain, which functions quite well, is very impatient and frustrated with all of the hold-up and abuses myself quite a bit ("look at all this time and energy you are wasting, you are a tremendous burden when you should really be giving back," and other much nastier things on repeat). So paralysis sets in further... Which of course triggers flashbacks, which then set me back further.. I'm sorry, I know this is convoluted and maybe bizarre and that maybe there's no real advice for me. The only way is through. I just feel like I need to put this out there. I don't know why. Regardless, thank you for listening/reading <3
	Someday we will say: "Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which [s]he has overcome." (((( love ))))