Have you considered writing up a list of the pros and cons of self-harming? Sometimes this can let you step back from the urge itself and pay more attention to the health risks or other important reasons not to harm.
It must be horrible feeling so afraid of the risk yet out of control with your behaviour, but it's great that you're able to be honest with your CPN. Do you always go and seek medical attention after self-harming? That might reduce some of the risk, although it's very dangerous if you're passing out prior to being able to get help.
It is always difficult to stop any behaviour based on future risk that we have no personal experience of. Just like a smoker may find it hard to imagine their habit will give them lung cancer, it's hard to imagine self-harm leading to death. That doesn't mean it won't happen, but perhaps you need a more concrete incentive to stay strong. Is there anything positive in your life that would be even better if you didn't self-harm (relationships, hobbies, everyday activities, work)?
Best of luck with things and take care.
|