hugs sorry to here things have reached this lelvel for you it must be so hard to know all the information but still have the feelings you do and i wish i could take those feelings away for you to make things a little easier for you
well done for posting - its good to reach out to people even if its just to know they are there for you it can be resasuring
i would guess that you are trying to keep distracted and distractions are always good
sometimes a little bit of online gaming can be good or drawing or writing out how you feel but i do hope you are able to restrain from cutting when you get an urge just so you dont have to go through the trauma of passing out
keep distracted and keep posting if you wish
big hugs
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